I will kill them. I
will kill them all.
Karna sharpened the edge of his blade against the wheel, his
wrath increasing every second.
Yes, mother. I will
end the life of the man you called your son. And after him, I’ll slowly end the
lives of the rest of your pathetic family.
Karna’s lips twisted into a ruthless smile, one directed
towards his family members.
Brothers they call
themselves? Not to me. Never to me. Especially Arjuna.
Yes. Arjuna.
The man who is the
bane of my existence.
He will go first.
Karna stared into the blade, an image of Arjuna reflecting
from the glossy surface back at him.
— — —
Brother.
Arjuna blinked away the reflection of Karna from his mind.
How can I kill you?
How can I kill any of my family?
Arjuna hid his face in his hands, saddened by the thought.
Bhisma. Karna. Even
Duryodhana, as wicked as you are. I can’t do this, I can’t.
But then he thought of the latter two and how shamelessly
they tossed aside his family again and again and how they would do so without
any hesitation if they get the chance.
No. I can’t let that
happen.
This is war.
— — —
What is war?
Yudhishthira sighed, watching the sun set over his small
army from afar.
What is war if not
just a game men play that ends with no victors. What is the point? Why does no one
understand that this won’t lead to any good? No one will come out happy.
Pinching the gap between his eyebrows, he contemplated for
the thousandth time whether this was the right approach, reforming his thoughts
to find another solution besides combat.
Oh brother, why can’t
you see what I see?
Why can’t you see
beyond the now and the grief that will overtake us all in our future?
Duryodhana, brother,
don’t do this.
— — —
I have to do this.
There won’t come
another day.
I have come so far…
should I do this?
Of course. Of course I
should. Since the first day, those Pandavas have done nothing but bring me down
in my own home.
What’s so great about
them anyway?
Duryodhana smashed his fist against the wall.
Those stupid “brothers.”
He spat into the ground.
The very thought of
you makes me want to kill something.
Yes.
This war was going to
happen.
There was no stopping him now.
Author's Note: I will say, I don't think this is some of my best work nor is it exactly how I pictured writing this post, but I just wanted to show the thoughts of these four prior to battle. I was aiming to illustrate the contrast between the protagonists and the antagonists, those being the Pandavas and Duryodhana/Karna, respectively. One side is just full of anger, and the other side, despite going through so many trials and hardships, is still sympathetic.
Bibliography: Buck, William (1973). Mahabharata.
The Final Battle
Source: IndiaVine
Hey Khadija! I liked your story but there are a lot of corrections you might have to make. You didn't add quotations in your dialogue. It's hard to distinguish from the conversations. I think you might need to expand your story too. There are quite a few grammatical issue you need to fix, such as comma splices and punctuation. Most of your story are all short sentences. You need to fix that. Put more time in your story and it will be great!
ReplyDeleteKhadija,
ReplyDeleteAlthough you said that you are supremely confident in this, I am just very impressed by this idea. I absolutely LOVED the transition from each brother's thoughts. They were seamless and very creative. Honestly, I really enjoyed reading this. It was a little short, though. I felt like it could have been the opener to a longer story. But your word choice was nice and I really felt like I could see each scene in my mind, passing from one brother to the other. Nice work!
Hey Khadija! I really like the way you chose to write this story. Showing the thoughts of some of the main people on each side of the war was such a great idea, and the way you broke it up worked really well. I definitely didn't image Karna being so angry and bloodthirsty, but the way you wrote it was so convincing that it certainly change my thoughts on it! As for Arjuna and Yudhishthira, I think you nailed their mindset! They both would certainly be sympathetic towards their enemies. And Duryodhana is exactly as I would imagine as well: stubborn! Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteHello Khadija! I loved reading your post! It was very interesting and unique. I like how you decided to write about people's thoughts rather than telling the story in third person. I enjoy reading your post because I was able to understand more of the story through the character's feelings and thoughts. The writing style, transition, and grammar was great! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi again! I really loved your storytelling style. It gets me hooked and into the story right from the beginning and has enough detail that I'm not lost on who these people are or what's going on. I'm intrigued by what all of the brothers are thinking about this war and how it will play out for all of them!
ReplyDeleteKhadija,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I think that you did an excellent job showing the contrast between the antagonist and the protagonist. Plus, you have a really great writing style which made the contrast even more clear. Sometimes when I write a story that I think isn't my best people usually end up enjoying it! I guess that is just the way it works out sometimes! Good job!